Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Self-Care Giveaway Winner

The winner of the self-care giveaway is Kelli Bryson. Her Twitter entry was randomly selected by Rafflecopter as the winning entry. Thank you to all who participated. Kelli has been notified by e-mail. Watch for other giveaways coming soon. And, remember, keep taking care of yourselves!

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Trapped



“Trapped”

Expectations
I can’t fulfill
Destinations
Lie unreached still

Happiness
Within my grasp
Sadness
I’m held within its clasp

Disappointment
That’s what others feel
Rejection
Again my fate is sealed

Pressured
Try to get well
Depression
It’s a living hell

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Thoughts

“Thoughts”

Tired
I just want to sleep
My body feels like a sponge
Absorbing all the weariness around me
It wraps me up like
A suffocating hand squeezing the life out of me
Taking every ounce of who I am

Apathetic
It matters not if I eat or shower or speak
Or think or wake up tomorrow
I don’t care what’s for dinner or what we watch on TV
Or who is President

Guilty
My husband deserves better than this
He should have a normal wife who isn’t depressed or suicidal
And my kids deserve a mom who takes care of them instead of one
They have to take care of all too often
So maybe my family would be better off without me

And I’m so frustrated with myself and I’m just pathetic 
And who really cares and it’s all so exhausting anyway 
And I am just so 

Tired.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Self-Care Giveaway

I've discussed the importance of self-care in previous posts, and for those of us with depression, it can be difficult to find the energy to practice it. Well...I'm here to help you out!!! I've got some fabulous hair and skin care items that I'd like to give you so that you can pamper yourself a little. Featured in this giveaway are:
1. CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser
2. Metta Intensive Replenishing Face Balm
3. Philosophy Miracle Worker Overnight Moisturizer
4. OleHenriksen Invigorating Night Treatment Gel & Sheer Transformation Creme
5. Josie Maran Organic Moisturizing Oil
6. Egyptian Magic All Purpose Skin Cream
7. L'Oreal Total Repair Shampoo & Conditioner
8. Nunzio Saviano Anti-Frizz Sheets

Now, how can you win? Simply follow these instructions:

First, you can leave a comment here telling me how you practice self-care. For other entry options, follow the Rafflecopter instructions. The winner will be notified in seven days. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Invisible

I've been inspired several times this week to write poetry. This is another I've written that describes how I feel as a person with depression.

"Invisible"

You look at me
But you don't really see

I stand right here
But I'm so far away

Your mouth forms words
That make no sense to me

Surrounded by my friends
And I've never felt more alone

An ache, a heavy weight
Pushing down on my chest

I cannot breathe
I gasp for air

I want to scream
Yet have no energy to care

All of this inside of me
But I'm the only one who sees

Friday, May 19, 2017

Nothingness

Sometimes it can be difficult to explain depression to others. At times, I find it easier to write about it. My thoughts are expressed best as poetry on some occasions. Here is one such occasion.

“Nothingness”

All these thoughts
Swirl in a mass of black
Like leaves scattered
I’ll never get them back

Numbness wraps around me
I can no longer feel
The world is void of color
Nothing seems real

A blank stare
An empty page
Just an eternity
Locked within a cage

Is there any hope
What was left has slipped away
I can’t go on like this
I’m just wasting away

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

A Servant Who's Not Serving

"Life is so unnerving
For a servant who's not serving
He's not whole without a soul to wait upon..." - from the song "Be Our Guest"

     Last month, I went to the theater to watch the new live-action Beauty and the Beast. (Which, by the way, is an excellent movie.) I expected to be entertained; however, what I did not expect was that the Holy Spirit would use it to communicate an important truth to me. While listening and singing along (yes, I did attend the sing-along version of the film) to one of my favorite songs, "Be Our Guest," I was struck by the lines I quoted above and how they translate to our spiritual life. Remember Jesus's response when he was approached by the mother of two disciples requesting that they be seated on either side of him in his Kingdom? He answered by saying,
 “... Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Hmmm...spoken first by Jesus, and then by Lumiere...you've gotta serve!
     It's funny how just a simple line in a movie made me ponder so many things. Am I serving my husband as I should? And, ladies, don't get all bent out of shape about that! What I mean by serving is loving, being attentive to him, joyfully cooking and cleaning as I am at home while he works at three--sometimes four--jobs, and am I giving him grace when he fails or makes mistakes? Am I serving my children? Am I being patient with them when they struggle with a concept in homeschooling? Am I cheerfully reminding them to pick up their clothes, shoes, etc. when they've left them in the living room for probably the 1000th time? How am I doing in service to my special needs daughter? Am I being gracious to her when she's wet out of her diaper and all over the couch yet again? Am I choosing to see her as a blessing even when she's self-harming over and over again, and I'm super-stressed to the max? Am I serving my friends? Do I check in on them? Do I ask them how they're doing? And then am I prepared to hear and really listen to the truth? Do I help them when I know they're struggling? How am I loving and serving the people closest to me? My prayer is that I'm serving well in these areas.
     I do know that loving service brings true joy, and one way I serve is by leading a special needs group. It's helped to heal me in so many ways. Prior to starting it, I felt alone, angry, and bitter. I kept my focus on myself. As Lumiere said, quite "unnerving" and most definitely not "whole." It wasn't until I allowed God to get into my pain with me and show me how to serve others in my situation that I could see a purpose and a plan for my daughter's struggles and my own. Sharing our hardships and celebrating our triumphs together is a beautiful thing. And, just as the castle is brought back to life so beautifully in the movie, the Lord will richly bestow blessings upon you when you love others as he commands. So let me encourage you with this: Serve. You'll be miserable if you don't and joyful when you do!
   

   

"Rising"

"Rising" With your words, you tried to kill me, and I lay hurt and wounded for some time. I had to fight and claw my way b...