Posts

Thoughts

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“Thoughts”
Tired I just want to sleep My body feels like a sponge Absorbing all the weariness around me It wraps me up like A suffocating hand squeezing the life out of me Taking every ounce of who I am
Apathetic It matters not if I eat or shower or speak Or think or wake up tomorrow I don’t care what’s for dinner or what we watch on TV Or who is President
Guilty My husband deserves better than this He should have a normal wife who isn’t depressed or suicidal And my kids deserve a mom who takes care of them instead of one They have to take care of all too often So maybe my family would be better off without me
And I’m so frustrated with myself and I’m just pathetic  And who really cares and it’s all so exhausting anyway  And I am just so 
Tired.

Self-Care Giveaway

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I've discussed the importance of self-care in previous posts, and for those of us with depression, it can be difficult to find the energy to practice it. Well...I'm here to help you out!!! I've got some fabulous hair and skin care items that I'd like to give you so that you can pamper yourself a little. Featured in this giveaway are:
1. CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser
2. Metta Intensive Replenishing Face Balm
3. Philosophy Miracle Worker Overnight Moisturizer
4. OleHenriksen Invigorating Night Treatment Gel & Sheer Transformation Creme
5. Josie Maran Organic Moisturizing Oil
6. Egyptian Magic All Purpose Skin Cream
7. L'Oreal Total Repair Shampoo & Conditioner
8. Nunzio Saviano Anti-Frizz Sheets

Now, how can you win? Simply follow these instructions:

First, leave a comment here telling me how you practice self-care. Then, for additional entries, follow the Rafflecopter instructions. The winner will be notified in seven days. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Invisible

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I've been inspired several times this week to write poetry. This is another I've written that describes how I feel as a person with depression.

"Invisible"

You look at me
But you don't really see

I stand right here
But I'm so far away

Your mouth forms words
That make no sense to me

Surrounded by my friends
And I've never felt more alone

An ache, a heavy weight
Pushing down on my chest

I cannot breathe
I gasp for air

I want to scream
Yet have no energy to care

All of this inside of me
But I'm the only one who sees

Nothingness

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Sometimes it can be difficult to explain depression to others. At times, I find it easier to write about it. My thoughts are expressed best as poetry on some occasions. Here is one such occasion.

“Nothingness”
All these thoughts Swirl in a mass of black Like leaves scattered I’ll never get them back
Numbness wraps around me I can no longer feel The world is void of color Nothing seems real
A blank stare An empty page Just an eternity Locked within a cage
Is there any hope What was left has slipped away I can’t go on like this I’m just wasting away

A Servant Who's Not Serving

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"Life is so unnerving
For a servant who's not serving
He's not whole without a soul to wait upon..." - from the song "Be Our Guest"

   Last month, I went to the theater to watch the new live-action Beauty and the Beast. (Which, by the way, is an excellent movie.) I expected to be entertained; however, what I did not expect was that the Holy Spirit would use it to communicate an important truth to me. While listening and singing along (yes, I did attend the sing-along version of the film) to one of my favorite songs, "Be Our Guest," I was struck by the lines I quoted above and how they translate to our spiritual life. Remember Jesus's response when he was approached by the mother of two disciples requesting that they be seated on either side of him in his Kingdom? He answered by saying, “... Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave.For even the Son of Man came not to …

Throwing off Our Blankets

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I got so frustrated with Baby Girl the other day. Why? She was going into meltdown mode because she wanted food. Here's the kicker: the food was right in front of her. She couldn't see it, though, because she refused to get out from under her blanket. This happens often. She'll get upset because she wants a toy. I'll put it right there beside her. I'll tell her it's there. I'll even place it in her hands. She'll just throw it down in frustration because she still cannot SEE that what she really needs is right there. She only has to LET GO of that blanket! I began to realize something in all of this. How many times am I holding onto things that I need to put down in order to pick up what God wants to give me? And I'm not even talking about sin. I'm talking about things I hold on to for my security: perfectionism, my comfort zone, and even my depression. Let me explain, especially what I mean about my depression being something I hold on to for s…

Birthday Week

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I'm excited to announce that my birthday is this week, and I'll be turning 42! Yes, you read that correctly; I am thrilled about being in my 40's. It's been my best decade yet-so far, anyway. I'm finally comfortable in my own skin. I have figured out what's truly important in life. I no longer take things for granted. Plus, birthdays are fun! I don't have to cook or clean on mine. I get gifts. I get to be reminded of how much I am loved by family and friends. I get to be thankful for another year that the Lord has given me. And my sweet sister took me out this past weekend to celebrate with lunch and a movie. (We saw Beauty and the Beast, which, by the way, is fabulous.) We also made a stop by Ulta, which is where I scored this lovely beauty haul you see featured in the pic above. Literally, I treated myself from head to toe! I got three headbands, a cucumber eye kit, exfoliating body scrub, creamy body wash, luxurious body wash, body lotion, and nail poli…