Saturday, April 24, 2010

Being Real

I've been shocked to learn from a few friends the last few weeks that they think I have it "all together." I admit that I am a perfectionist.I admit that I am a Type A personality. I admit that I am a control freak. I admit that I often broadcast only that which makes it look like everything in my life is great. I must also admit, though, that I struggle with insecurity, doubts, fear, and feelings of inferiority. I often feel that other women are better wives, mothers, friends, daughters, and sisters. I definitely don't want anyone to look at me and think that I don't have struggles in my walk with God and in my marriage and parenting. Whatever good there is in me is Jesus Christ. Without Him, I am nothing. I promise you all that I do have bad days...just ask my husband and my children; they can tell you. I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new every morning. I'm so glad that His grace covers me. I can do nothing apart from Him.

I attended a Beth Moore simulcast today. It was based on her new book titled So Long, Insecurity. It served as an awakening for me. God spoke many things to me today about my struggles with insecurity. One major point is that insecurity is unbelief. If I'm insecure, then I don't truly believe that God is Who He says He is and that I am who He says I am as a new creation. If I'm insecure then I doubt His love for me. If I hold onto the past sins that I've confessed and repented of, then I don't believe Him when He says that I'm forgiven. These are things that I've silently struggled with. These are causes of my perfectionism and my attempts at being "good" for the sake of others. Today I am letting go of all of that. Today I am allowing God to work in me and change me into a secure woman...not security as the world gives, but true security as only Jesus can give. Today I vow to live a life worthy of the calling that I have been given. Today I commit to seeing myself as God sees me. Today I thank God for the grace He has given me--not that I deserved it, not that I earned it, but He gives it and I accept it.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

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