Most of us eventually reach a certain place that will never allow us to go back to the place we used to be. We know too much. Our eyes have seen far too many things. Our hearts have been asked to bear more pain than any one human should have to stand. The answers we thought we had suddenly blow up in our faces, leaving us wounded and gasping for air. We look for new answers, but can find none that satisfy.
It's as if a hole has been ripped through our chests. The sorrow is tangible; we feel it in every painful breath we draw and every morning when we open our eyes. We long for our younger days - the days when we thought we knew the answers and could wrap difficult concepts up in neat little packages. But we got older, and the hard things got harder. There is no explanation now. We don't have one. Nobody has one. We're forced into this enigma of pain and cynicism, and there is no escape.
We are locked in this world where so many things don't make sense. This is hard for me to accept, and the older I get, the harder I gets. I can't imagine that it will ever get better. This is where I am now, and I can never go back.
2 comments:
This sounds hauntingly familiar to me. I also have experienced the suffocating weight of depression. I perceived it as a question rather than a truth, though. My question was, "If suffering, then why? Why am I here? Why does it matter?" My perspective is completely different now. So take me as evidence that there's hope for kinder easier days. My heart is with you.
Thank you for your encouraging words, Brittany.
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