Thursday, July 26, 2012

Learning to ask "How" Instead of "Why"

  Well, a diagnosis for Baby Girl has been given. While I won't go into details out of respect for her privacy, I will say that it is more than what we "feel" equipped for and more siginificant than what we expected when we initially adopted her. I am going to be completely transparent in this post, so if I upset or offend someone, then I'm sorry. I just need to share this, whether it's for my own heart or for others. Someone out there may need to hear this. It is on my heart, so I'm going to get it out in the open.
  First, I will say that we trust God and believe that He put our family together. He knew Baby Girl's needs, and He knew our family. He chose her for us, and I trust Him. That is NOT to say that I haven't questioned Him, been angry with Him, and felt like this is more than what I can handle. There is great pain and hurt at times, yet there is also great joy and blessings to behold. My emotions are on a roller coaster: elated highs and rock-bottom lows. Yet, through it all, I have peace and strength beyond the emotions. I have supportive family and friends, and I know that God also knew that I would be surrounded by help and love from others.
  Second, I do have dreams and visions that I've had to let go...thoughts about what Baby Girl would do, or what she would become, or what "homeschooling" activities I would do with her, or what sport she would play, or if she'd be a dancer or a gymnast, etc. While I'm NOT saying some of these things definitely won't happen, I am saying that, even if they do, they will probably look different than what I imagined. I am learning to trust God with Baby Girl's future, as He knows what He has planned for her. A childlike faith is a "must," and sometimes it takes things like what I'm facing to bring us to that point.
  Third, I am falling in love with my husband all over again. Never underestimate the "romance" that a daddy who loves and spends time with his children brings to a marriage. And, wow, does my hubby love his Baby Girl! When he gets home, he "takes over" with her. She is absolutely a daddy's girl! He is so good and patient with her, and he (along with Jesus) has been my rock through all of this. He has made sure I took time for myself, and he also makes sure I get time alone with my other children. Parenting a special needs child can be stressful for a marriage, but it also brings opportunities to learn how to love each other in a whole new way if you will allow it.
  Finally, I am taking quite a journey of faith and learning to trust God every step of the way. When we as Christians go through painful and difficult times, whether it be the loss of a loved one, or a painful divorce, or dealing with a child's serious disabilities, or any other devastating thing, we are given an opportunity to walk even more intimately with God. A precious friend gave me a wonderful book: What if Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops, based on the song by Laura Story. God is really using it to speak to me. One day the devotional concerned learning to ask "how" instead of "why." So, I am trying to ask "How can our family bring You glory through this?" rather than "Why is this happening to us?" While I don't always succeed in this, I'm learning. And I'm trusting. And I'm falling. And He's picking me up again and again. And He is holding me and guiding me and shaping me into who He designed me to be, just like He is shaping Baby Girl. And that is precious and beautiful. And one day we will understand.

4 comments:

Dori said...

Nicely said. Blessings to you and your family.

Rita and John said...

Oh, how I wish we lived closer so I could try to offer more support. All I can offer is prayer, but please know we are praying for you and your sweet girl.

Symasek Family Circus said...

Yes. And Amen. And Yes, again. It reiterates my heart. Everything that we are going through and walking through with our boys...by the grace of God, has made me love Mike even more. So, I just cried when I read that about you guys - I love it. I love that you are looking to Him. He WILL bring Himself glory through your precious family because that is what you are seeking. Praying for you guys...and next time you head up our way, CALL us!!!
Peace and Joy,
Nikki

Jean said...

A very healthy way to look at all of it. And I can see the sunshine in your eyes again through this post. Love you!

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