This leads me to another point. I feel guilty for having depression. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel that my family suffers too much because of it-because of me. Then, of course, some people perpetuate that feeling. They will tell you to "snap out of it" or to "pray it away." They might even tell you that "it could be worse." And I want to yell, "Don't you think I'd snap out of it if I could?" Then prayer...yes, I pray. I pray every day. I read Scripture. That is wonderful. It sustains me through my darkest times. (I'm still here, aren't I?) But it does not fix depression. It is not a miracle cure. Oh, and it could be worse? Yes, I know that it could be worse. That still doesn't negate the fact that depression is hard, and it's my daily struggle. It doesn't need to be minimized or trivialized.
So, what do I do on these darkest of days? Obviously, the first thing I need to do is to let my doctor know that I've gotten into a dark place again. Secondly, I need to talk about what I'm feeling-even if I don't want to. That's one thing this blog helps me do. Here are some other things that I do (which may seem completely shallow to some of you) that don't cure my depression but at least make me feel a little better:
- Wear my favorite outfit - as seen in the pic below (that T-shirt reads "I'm a freakin' ray of sunshine!")
- Put on my favorite jewelry. (long silver earrings with lots of hoops, black & silver bracelet-also in pic below)
- Do my best makeup look.
- Style and color my hair. (pixie cut and RED!)
- Listen to my favorite music. (currently contemporary Christian-I gave up secular music for Lent)
- Watch my tried and true favorite comedies. (Impractical Jokers, Jim Gaffigan standup, The Office, Friends, Cheers, Frasier, Seinfeld)
- Eat foods that I really enjoy. (low carb ice cream, low carb fauxtatoes deluxe, CHEAT: Rice Krispy Treats)
"But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me." Psalm 22:19